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Learning to Deal ..

The past few days have been surprising to say the least. What I thought was despair has come full circle to shock and anger. Both our land line and cell phones have been ringing with persons telling their stories. How grateful I am for finally taking a stand along with legal assistance.

How does one deal with a mean, jealous person that appears to have only one direction; in hurting the lives of others? Claiming perfection and sainthood yet guilty of dishonesty and theft. I am talking about a person that cannot be reasoned with and think they can do no wrong and must blame and find fault with someone else. I am talking about sarcastic, snippy, rude, chip-on-the shoulder types who enjoy putting others down and causing grave chaos in others lives while professing scripture and Christian living. These are the malicious, mean-spirited bullies, psychological and physical. They are envious of others' perseverance and successes and will do their best to undermine, destroy, and prevent someone else from succeeding. Some may be truly sadistic. Most are simply very unhappy, frustrated. and socially isolated. Today, the realization of how I am being treated is typical of how others are and were treated. I am not unique in the attack. They look for arguments, confrontation, and hostility to confirm their negative views of the world. Should we tell them off? Hit them back? Leave them alone? Recommend therapy? All of these are options. It is not easy under stress to make the best choice.

Of course, we have to begin to understand that it is them and not us. We should try, I think, to diffuse their hostility by no responding in kind. Why encourage them with negative rejoinders? Offering something else that is positive may work. Or not. Staying calm is always best. Their negativity feeds on others' emotional responses. If one can't stay calm, it is best to leave them alone. Above all do not take what they say personally. It is them.

This is all very easy to say. It is much harder to do. The problem is that turning the other cheek seems to bring out the worst in some people. Understanding the psychology of a mean person may help. The main reason they are hurting themselves and want to peck at someone else to try to feel better. It's the pecking order thing. With chickens, a hierarchical social structure is said to develop to minimize uncontrolled and random inter-chicken violence. Chickens only are to peck on those other chickens that earlier conflict has shown to be weaker. They can peck without fear of retaliation. Dominance means access to food and mates. A mean person needs an army to be fulfilled; rarely can they do the dirty work on their own. They need to feel just in their attack even though it only tells the story of a coward.

How will this story end? Right now, I do not have the answer to that. But in light of new found acquaintances and their experiences, it is putting much into perspective.