There is a story that goes .. A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake bit him causing excruciating pain. The man dropped the snake, and the reptile fell right back into the fire. So, the man grabbed a metal pole took the snake out of the fire and saved its life. Someone who was watching approached the man and said:
“That snake bit you. Why are you still trying to save it?”
The man replied,
“The nature of the snake is to bite, but that's not gonna change my nature, which is to help.”
Moral of the Story: Do not change your nature simply because someone harms you. Do not lose your good heart, only learn to take precautions.
When it comes to being bullied, the same kind of care is applied. I have survived the worst of the worst; our bully called and wrote our employment, wrote our family members, publicly humiliated via the internet, built website after website, and taunted and teased that we would never take legal action. Her stories became exaggerated and cruel. We have been and still are bitten many times and yet we persevere. Yet, we carry on .. And we are better for the adventure.
Yes, we call it an adventure because it has become a good experience. With each new telephone call, with each new email, we are assisting others working through the same experiences.
What causes a person to be intentionally cruel? Is it carelessness? A genetic predisposition involving a lack of empathy? A lack of proper nurturing? A culturally indoctrinated tendency? In my search for answers to the toughest of philosophical questions, I find myself enlightened in unusual ways and often by the most unexpected people; one being a close family member of our bully who shared that we are not the only persons that she has been fixated on ruin.
If a child is born into an abusive life and learns nothing but abuse, pain, fear, and intimidation, they will be conditioned to think that this type of feeling is normal. They could feel an even deeper conditioning based on the biological and social need to connect with others to share what they have experienced. If the connection is created in a chaotic mind, it will present itself in a chaotic or harmful way. This is why the research is key to understanding the mind of our woman bully.
Our choice is not retaliation but to keep the perspective of love in our hearts. This can be difficult at times but we have found it to be rewarding. After all, "It's better to light one candle than to curse the darkness".