It can be difficult to get past your adult bully. Continual reminders can be everywhere along with the bully who continues in the battle. This week we looked through pages of final draft as we move forward in the legal process once again. Passive-aggressive behavior can manifest itself everywhere in online social media, texting video, email, and on-line discussions. Identity theft is prevalent in our case and will be easy to showcase in court. Anna Maria Chavez wrote, "Cyber bullies do not need physical access to their victims to do unimaginable harm".
Bullies are common in their physical, mental, and/or emotional abuse. Unless we set strong and effective boundaries, the bully will continue and intensify the abuse. Getting past the adult bully can take time and great effort.
Someone who hates you normally hates your for one of three reasons; they see you as a threat (she wanted a man that, at the time, she could not have and still cannot have), they hate themselves (no words to describe this situation; we understand her dilemma), or they want to be you (I have made mistakes but I succeed each time I work hard and use positive forward movement away from the situation). She can only attack me if she perceives me as weak. If I remain compliant and passive, she will continue her attack. We used the legal system to make our situation known. She is a coward as most bullies are. She teased and taunted that she would never be taken to court; we did. She owes us monies in court-ordered judgments and ordered to take down negative content off of the internet. To date, none of that has happened. She lied about her personal assets and her relationship with her husband who she is now divorced from. She lies about where she lives with the court. All of the things that she accused me of.
When victims begin to show backbone and stand up for their rights, a bully will often back down. This is true in schoolyards as well as in domestic and office environments. Shay Mitchell wrote, "I realized that bullying never has to do with you, It's the bully who's insecure".
When confronting bullies, be sure to place yourself in a position you can safely protect yourself, whether it is standing tall on our own, having other people present as witnesses and support (which I do), or keeping a paper trail of the bully's appropriate behavior. Our bully decided to sent MY words and writings to my counselor which we laughed about because NONE of her comments or writings were included. Always one-side in the battle and cowardly in presentation. It is important to stand up to bullies and you don't have to do it alone. There are counselors, law enforcement, administrative professionals, and court authorities who are there to assist.
I have survived my bullying experience. This doesn't mean that it has gone away. The smoldering battle still continues. Threats of physical harm, threats of emotional harm, innuendoes, emails, and constant underlying harassment continues and it is okay. Anger will continue to consume her and living in the past is not a pleasant way to live.