Research shows that shame and guilt are very different emotions. Shame is a way of closing a person down; shame, humiliation, emotional and physical abuse are closely connected.
A famous researcher (Klein) stated that those who are humiliated felt "wiped out, helpless, confused, sick in the gut, paralyzed, or filled with rage. It was as if they were made small, stabbed in the heart, or hit in the solar plexus. Usually, they felt themselves flushing and wished they could disappear. No matter how many years have passed, the experience remains vivid and fresh in their minds". If this has ever happened to you, you know about these feelings.
I have experienced all of these feelings in regards to our woman adult bully. She mocked and shamed me in a court of law denying that I had any such feelings. This is her mentality because she is not real. She lives in the moment; zero to one hundred on the rage scale if confronted. Public rants are her favorites and I believe I have shared some of these experiences within this blog. Research has shown that sexual abusers and harassers often feel unattractive and powerless. They attempt to prove their power over vulnerable others by harassing and abusing them. For me, it is my past experiences that she attacks even though she has made the same mistakes in her past life.
Moving forward is key. This person no longer controls me and I will defend myself and my family. She continues to break the law in regards to the injunctions and attempts to place the blame back on me. This will soon catch up to her. I just take her nastiness as a sign of insecurity and loathing of her own self. After all, a well-adjusted person does not continue in their battle, recruiting others to do her dirty work, and use HTML tags to make sure that the information on the internet is harassing and degrading. This is not a normal, well-adjusted person.
The day, today, is filled with coming home from work after being awake all night, playing with my puppies and baby horses, feeding the heifers and their babies, the smell of farm water as it cascades over the hay leaves, and making a wonderful family supper where children and extended family members will come for a BBQ in the backyard along with their smiles and laughter. These are the moments that replace her shaming and humiliation. Of course, we laugh .. She claims I have no life of such! I dare her to visit and find out for herself!