It is natural for people to seek validation. How we achieve that sense of validation differs from one person to another. We all constantly battle with the feeling that we are not good enough and we may feel unappreciated. I believe the feeling of insecurity that accompanies such state of mind is almost universal and may happen more when one is young. Some people attempt to rectify that feeling of insecurity by being vocal about their accomplishments.
There is something magical about human communications. We can vocalize our thoughts and make them tangible and part of the collective memory. We "brag" about ourselves because we subconsciously seek to create a certain image of ourselves in the mind of the audience which aligns with our own sense of self worth. For many of us, our accomplishments have no value unless it seems to impress our peers. It is just an attempt to be sure to make ourselves relevant and indispensable. This is a basic human need.
People who think they are best (like my woman bully), live in their own delusional world and can see no one else's achievements. She thinks that people love listening to their own agendas or they she want's to make me jealous of her and this makes her feel more confident. She will learn her lesson when she fails to undermine my achievements. We live in two different worlds, living different kinds of lives, and working on goals that are not similar. I work in the private sector; she chooses not work at all. I attend college and she chooses not to. I choose to live within my community and keep a beautiful yard and property and she chooses not to. I choose to care for my husband for 20+ years and she chose to divorce hers and pine away for another man that will not have her. What is there to "brag" about? We are living in our chosen worlds and away from each other. She is far too much of a coward to find truth in my life.
We understand her pathological need to hide her flaws in particular areas and bragging about her strengths. She is extremely insecure in the fact that she cannot accept her own weaknesses, admit her shortcomings, resort to kindness and compassion, and understand that I work hard in my life to become more accomplished and compassionate than I was yesterday. I understand that she needs emotional assistance. She should try and just accept what is and move on.
I have to giggle that she thinks I am still consumed with the one man that she covets. After I learned about who and what this man was all about and that he had been intimate with several women while intimate with her, why in the world would any woman want a man like that? If he cheated on his wife, his mistress, and his gal friends, he could never be trusted. My ADULT woman bully has turned this feud into a high school quarrel. I learned my lesson with this man and his drunken lies.
My husband is the truest man that I know and despite my mistakes and shortcomings, he stands by me, defends, and most of all, loves me. This is the greatest attribute of all. This is how our lives should begin and end. My WOMAN ADULT bully wants my mistakes and shortcomings to define me forever. This does not happen when a person works hard to make restitution and have a track record of moving past the mistakes. Pride is often driven by poor self-worth and shame. Our bully feels so badly about herself that she compensates by feeling superior and exerting control over others. She looks for the flaws than for the good in a person in order to conceal her own. She relishes criticizing others as a defense against recognizing her own shortcomings. We understand her plight and pray for her daily.
This is how we begin and end our day. We relish the tender moments and are grateful for the blessings of our own accomplishments. We pray for our family, friends, and enemies alike. When pride substitutes for our human dignity, it disconnects us. Affirming our dignity and allowing others their dignity, we become more available to honor ourselves and connect with others as equals. Pride is a burden we don’t need. Living with dignity allows us to move more freely through life.