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Believing in the Change

Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does .. Just because a belief is a belief that is sufficient enough for you to feel strong about, it does not mean that everyone around you will receive it. Think about all of the times that you have experienced in your life in which some people just refused to hear or try to understand what a person was saying that made absolute logical sense because they were more than likely thinking irrationally.

In life we must remember that our beliefs in life will always vary at least a small bit from anyone person who has their own free will to think. In life we must give focus to being ourselves and behaving as best as we possibly can. Do the things that you feel in your heart that are right to do, focus on treating every one with kindness and patience, and never forget that you are no better than anyone else, but you are no less than any man either.

Practicing my belief system(s) has been very difficult as of late due the fact that I have mixed feelings about how to handle a situation that has become consuming and it has been difficult to keep my anger in check. It is difficult to deal with irrational people and combat with kindness and patience instead of retaliation. It has become even more difficult when I find out that what was suppose to be never was yet I had been blamed for circumstances obviously out of my control. After much thought, I came to the following conclusions: It is only hurting myself .. One of my favorite sayings is “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The only person we hurt is ourselves. When we react to negativity, we are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating pain within ourselves. Creative alternative thinking can help me become the “princess of positivity”.

I have to remember that it is not about me; it is all about her .. I have learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression. It is not personal, so why do we take it personally? In short: Because our ego likes problems and conflict; it tends to be more exciting! People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them. There could also be other complex issues thrown into the mix; the person may be depressed, anxious, and suffering from other psychological issues that compound the situation. There have been many times when she has left a purposefully hurtful comment(s) on Facebook or other social media pages, and regularly checked back to see if anyone else responded to their comment, waiting eagerly to respond with more negativity. The best solution; ignore her.

There is a battle of ego and when we respond impulsively, it is a natural and honest response. However, is it the smart thing to do? What can be resolved by doing so? The answer: Nothing! It does however feed our ego’s need for conflict and drama. The natural woman .. Have you noticed that when we fight back, it feels really satisfying in our heads? But it doesn’t feel very good in our soul? Our stomach becomes tight and we start having angry thoughts? When we do respond irrationally, it turns the conversation from a one-sided negative expression into a battle of two egos. It becomes an unnecessary and unproductive battle for Who is Right? Unfortunately, I have acted in this manner but it has now been checked and I am truly sorry. I am still allowed righteous anger but I no longer need to feed the ego.

Anger feeds Anger .. Negativity feeds negativity .. Rarely can any good come out of reacting against someone who is in a negative state. It will only trigger anger and an additional reactive responses from that person. If we do respond impulsively, we will have invested energy in the defending of ourselves and we will feel more psychologically compelled to defend ourselves going forward. Have you noticed that the angrier our thoughts become, the angrier we become? It is a negative downward spiral. Since this is an emotion unfamiliar with me, it has taken some time to distinguish and subdue.

The time taken to be negative is a waste of energy. Where attention goes, energy goes. What we focus on tends to expand itself. Since we can only focus on one thing at a time, energy spend on negativity is energy that could have been spend on our personal well-being. My life is full with so much positive — turn the focus back where it is intended.

In this whole mess, negativity spreads .. I have found that once I allow negativity in one area of my life, it starts to subtly bleed into other areas as well. When we are in a negative state or holding a grudge against someone, we do not feel very good. We carry that energy with us as we go about our day. When we don’t feel very good, we lose sight of clarity and may react unconsciously to matters in other areas of our lives, unnecessarily and unintentional. My anger exploded when I found her to be invading my friends, family, employment and other aspects of my life. I had to come to the conclusion that she was only trying to “mirror” what she didn’t have fulfilling in her life. Unfortunately, a once-mutual friend that we both knew had betrayed her as well causing more grief and rages on her part. I had to turn this experience into a positive moment as it forced me to appreciate the life I have worked so hard for and in it, accomplished much.

I have learned to allow freedom of speech. People are as entitled to their opinions as you are. Allow them to express how they feel and let it be. Remember that it’s all relative and a matter of perspective. What we consider positive can be perceived by another as negative. When we react, it becomes me-versus-you, who is right? Some people may have a less than eloquent way of expressing themselves – it may even be offensive, but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their own opinions and we have the right and will power to choose our responses. We can choose peace or we can choose conflict.

So after thinking about all of this, I have concluded that I need to put my “big girl panties on” and get over it. The damage has already been done, the words have been spoken, and blame has been placed. I am dealing with a person who tends be irrational, depressed, and is struggling with major issues in her own life that I am not used to nor have I had to deal with such issues in my life. Out of sight; out of mind .. and let the healing begin ..