Lessons .. The Hard Way

April 14, 2020

What a beautiful morning!  The sun was just coming up as my puppies and I walked our long canal that winds around out home.  Made lunches for my husband and I for work and out the door!  How are you handling our crisis in the world today? Thankfully we are the few blessed souls that still actually goin into a job.

 

An individual secret is a secret kept by one person from the rest of the family and includes things like hiding a romantic relationship.  It could be a spouse's extramarital affair or a family member maxing our credit cards.  Individual secrets tend to center on a member hiding a rule violation.  Individuals bide these violations to avoid consequences and possibly protect others from the pain of the secret and the fact of the violation.  

 

Individual secrets can lead to immense anxiety within the family,  The secret holder may feel anxious about being found out and the rest of the family can feel that something is not right.  They live in fear of being found out.

 

I have to laugh at this because texts between my sister-in-law and my ex-husband, flirtatious texts, were given to me.  I feel bad for my brother; I wonder if he knows?  Texts between an abusive man; one who physically and emotionally hurt me, horribly hurt my daughter and son, drove off with my infant son while drunk in a pickup (can you imagine the frantic of a mother).  I am not the only one; two other women from his past who I am friends with can give the same experiences with this man.  In one of my classes, I learned that abusers seek out abusers.  I also learned that a percentage of abused become abusers.  This cycle is becoming very aware to me as I have experienced abusers.  I would think that my sister-in-law would be more aware of her actions.  Of course, she is the "perfect" member of the family.  One point, perfection can come with a fall.  Unfortuantely, she is in a position of power in her employment and employment statements have been made to my ex-husband which are abuse of her power and noted.  Employment attorneys love such!

 

As a woman (and yes, I have made mistakes which will be addressed later), we have to be careful of how we are perceived.  If married, no matter how difficult, we cannot have such individual secrets.  Family loyalty is to be followed no matter now hard and how angered one must be.  Only a coward does the damage without the loving confrontation to clear the air and reconcile.  

 

How do you feel about family secrets?  Has a family secret devastated how you feel about family loyalty?  Write me and let me know how you feel.

 

#candaleeparker #candaleewhittleparker #familyloyaltyisimportant

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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